peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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