my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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