You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
