If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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