next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
