So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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