Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
