I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
