Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You can't motorboat a personality
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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