someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
barbara walters just said penis...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
