How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
