I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm always down for nudity.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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