he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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