i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
