I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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