Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
