I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
