btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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