then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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