i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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