im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
please come you make the beer taste better
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
