go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
