if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
