he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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