respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
