I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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