I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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