Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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