You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
