this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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