...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
