Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
