Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
