i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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