I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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