I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
