This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
