your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
