Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
