I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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