oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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