There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You are a genius and a whore.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
