Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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