someone get that fucking seahorse.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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