You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Randomize
