I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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