This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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