I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
