Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
