I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
