i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
