You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
