4 words: hood of his car
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
