Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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