Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
