I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
