The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
