So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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