if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
