i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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