i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
