is your mom at the bar?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize