See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
