maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
