Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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