Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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