did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
