Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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