I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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